Normal by omission
A few days ago, a co-worker I hadn’t talked to in awhile asked me how I was doing. I said I was doing ok and then we proceeded to talk about various shows on TV. Granted, he and I usually talk about TV shows. That’s the nature of our relationship. But, it got me thinking about how my life appears quite normal and mundane to most people I interact with even though the pain of miscarriage and infertility has been something I have been dealing with for over a year. I also thought about how I see other people’s lives. That, with the exception of a few people, I think most people I am around have pretty good lives with some struggles here and there, but overall happy and free of worry. But, if I come off normal and relatively worry free when a lot of the time I am completely the opposite, how true is it for other people?
The truth is that I don’t talk about my problems to most people and in not talking about them, I come off as someone whose life is without hardship. Now, we all know everyone has their problems and struggles, but for the most part, for most people we know, we never know the exact nature and depth of the problems they face. And that makes me sad because maybe if I had known, I could have helped. Maybe, if I knew the woman on the second floor has suffered something similar to what I suffered, we could be supportive of each other. Maybe, if I knew that the 8 month pregnant woman down the hall, working with 2 other pregnant women, has struggled with diminished ovarian reserve and it took her 4 IUI’s and 2 IVF’s for her to get to the place she is now and she is still scared shitless that she will not be going home with a live baby, I can have some comfort in knowing that what I am going through, the longing, the disappointments, the constant hoping against hope then receiving bad news, is not such an uncommon struggle after all.
The truth is that I don’t talk about my problems to most people and in not talking about them, I come off as someone whose life is without hardship. Now, we all know everyone has their problems and struggles, but for the most part, for most people we know, we never know the exact nature and depth of the problems they face. And that makes me sad because maybe if I had known, I could have helped. Maybe, if I knew the woman on the second floor has suffered something similar to what I suffered, we could be supportive of each other. Maybe, if I knew that the 8 month pregnant woman down the hall, working with 2 other pregnant women, has struggled with diminished ovarian reserve and it took her 4 IUI’s and 2 IVF’s for her to get to the place she is now and she is still scared shitless that she will not be going home with a live baby, I can have some comfort in knowing that what I am going through, the longing, the disappointments, the constant hoping against hope then receiving bad news, is not such an uncommon struggle after all.
posted by Summer | 10:16 AM
3 Comments:
i related to this post because i am the kind of person who doesn't show my real life to just anyone and although i am happy and doing well there are times and there are struggles. life is like that. there are very few people who know my real life - not even close friends. it;s just the way i am. so if i look like a worry free girl to everyone, perhaps everyone who looks worry free to me is in fact not so worry free after all.
this was an interesting read. glad i stumbled upon your blog.
I really appreciate both your comments, honestyrain.
Maybe this is why some people start blogs? For me, I just don't have a habit of showing my life to people I know around me. But on the other hand, expressing my inner life and thoughts is something that nourishes and helps me. It's just hard to open up to just anybody, at any time.
That's what we're here for. We're the ones who look normal every day, everyone thinks we're fine but inside we're hurting - and in the blogzone is where we get to share because it's just too hard to share it with those who might not understand.
Summer, thanks for your comment on my blog, and welcome to the blogging world. I hope that your journey to getting pregnant despite the high FSH is a short one.
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