Good News, Bad News

Good: My mom just called to tell me an aunt and uncle of mine are coming to my wedding. I am very shocked because they are currently living in Tokyo, due to his job, and are flying back to the US to come to my wedding after having just been back for another family wedding last month. When I remarked that I couldn’t believe that were doing that, my mom says everyone in the family really wants to come to the wedding because of me. Sure, that makes me feel real good inside. That everyone is making such an effort to attend my wedding given the fact that the first 5 or 6 six years of my relationship with Mr. Warrior was filled with family uproar and disapproval (I really must write a post chronicling all the weirdness—like when Mr. Warrior had to face the bevy of family matriarchs, alone, and explain his motivations through a thick fog of cultural and language barriers), is a great gesture on my family’s part. I just wasn’t really expecting EVERY single person we invited to show up, you know?

Bad: My cousin (who also happens to be the daughter of the aunt and uncle mentioned above) will be coming with one of her kids. My parents don’t know if she’ll be bringing her youngest or oldest, but my guess is the youngest. And that makes me nervous. This is the same cousin who was due at the same time I would have been due when I was pregnant. I have been dreading the first time I would have to see her youngest daughter, not knowing how well healed I would be. I don’t know how to feel knowing it might be on my wedding day. When her Christmas letter came that year, I thought I could handle reading the news of the birth because I had heard about it already and had time to process the details. And that part of it was ok. I was even ok seeing pictures of the baby she had sent along with the letter. But, I wasn’t expecting to see a picture of her lying in bed at the hospital, pre-birth, naked tummy showing with a contraction monitor hooked up, reading a baby names book. I just broke down when I saw that picture. I don’t want to burst into tears seeing this child for the first time. At my wedding. I don’t want to start dreading my wedding day. How do I prepare myself for this? Is it even possible to prepare myself for something like this?