Whirlwind

In having to deal with the many medical issues recently, the fact that Mr. Warrior and I are not legally husband and wife keeps popping up. Not in a disdainful, why are you living in sin and thinking about bringing up children kind of way. After all, I live in California. More objectionable unions abound. In fact, most people are overly polite in the way they address our relationship as if they’re too embarrassed to call attention to it. It’s the non-people ways that are annoying. For example, in the numerous forms to fill, there are the ever present check boxes to mark whether you are single, married or divorced. I never know what to mark. I’m not married and never been so it’s not “married” or “divorced,” but neither does it seem right to describe myself as “single.” After having been with the same person for over 13 years and knowing, no matter what our legal status, this is the person I am going to share my life with, I do not consider myself single. Problem is, there is no good simple term to describe being in a committed but not legally recognized union. Significant other is so wordy and unemotional. And, domestic partner suggests more of a same sex relationship. So, there is no good category for what we are. I am also finding it harder and harder to constantly fight the accepted societal and cultural ideas of marriage and having kids. Practically, there is also the issue that if we adopt one day, not being married will probably work against us.

Marriage has been something we have talked about since before my pregnancy and miscarriage. We would think about possible dates, but never made it to actually picking one. One reason is that neither of us wanted a big, formal to do but we couldn’t really come up with an idea for a small, informal event do that fit us and felt right for us. The closest idea we had was to rent a big house for a weekend somewhere, invite our family and friends and have a wedding “weekend” where we would prepare and eat meals together, play games, hang out, laugh, talk, etc. (think Big Chill).

Last weekend, in a stroke of genius (if I do say so myself), it occurred to me the perfect fit we were looking for. Until a couple of Christmases ago, we had always had annual Christmas parties where we would invite upwards of about 30-40 people to our house. We would have decorations up the whazoo, lots of food and a white elephant exchange. We have always loved these parties with all the people, the laughter and the fun. So, I said to Mr. Warrior, why not have a combined wedding and Christmas Party? We already have most of the decorations and could start putting them up weeks ahead of time. We would have a quick, civil ceremony followed by a Christmas party. We talked about it for the rest of the day and it continued to feel right. We picked a couple of weekends in December and started calling parents and close friends to see if they were busy. And what do you know? We found a weekend that worked for them and us. So, on December 10, we are actually. getting. married.

There is a lot to do before then. And this last week or so has been a blur. We printed up invitations and finally sent them out yesterday and today. Our guest list is bigger than we anticipated and we may have more people than we can handle at our house. But somehow, we just believe it will all work out. All of it. Not just having the wedding, but having and growing up babies and being a family.

I can’t remember the last time, I have felt so much hope with so little fear of the outcome.