Hey baby, what's your sign?

On and off the last few weeks, I have been scouring the internet looking for profiles of women willing to donate their eggs. Many websites will post pictures of some of these women with short descriptions of their jobs, interests, hobbies, etc. I usually start out not being very picky. I do want a Chinese donor because, well, being Chinese, if I gave birth to a completely Caucasian baby (Mr. Warrior is Caucasian) it might make the whole donor egg thing more evident. And, while I have no problem with people I know, knowing about it, I don’t really want to have it broadcast to every stranger I meet. Most sites with donors have very few Asian much less Chinese donors. Every once in awhile, though, I will come across one with several Chinese donors. In cases like these, I find myself focusing in on the ones I find attractive and only reading their profiles. Then, I start thinking about how I prefer egg donor Donor KF345 who enjoys cooking as a hobby rather than Donor AL981 who enjoys extreme sports. And, well, if I had a choice, yeah, the one studying to become a lawyer instead of the one who is an actress/singer/waitress/real estate agent. Oh, look there are two attractive Chinese chefs studying law. And, if I look at their pictures again I see that the way this second donor is posed makes me think she’s open, gregarious and sweet while lawyer-to-be #1 had a slightly slutty come hither look that seems to say, hey baby, looking for a good time? instead of, hey don’t you want to use my eggs to make your baby?!

At this point, I usually have to slap myself so I can come to my senses and ask myself what is most important?

I realize I am in the strange predicament of actually choosing certain characteristics that may be inherited by my future child. On the one hand, all I want is a healthy, happy child. No more, no less. On the other hand, I do have a choice now so why not exercise it as best I can? Infertility has taken away so many of my first choices, shouldn’t I try to make lemonade out of my lemons?

If I had it my way, I would rather have no choice at all. My children would inherit high cholesterol, bad teeth and near-sightedness (yes, it seems some agencies will ask donors to provide information on whether their family members wear glasses or not). But, that no choice option is not an option for me anymore. Just as I would avoid caffeine, alcohol and smoking during my pregnancy to give my child the best start in life possible, wouldn’t I also choose a woman who exercises 5 times a week in her spare time over one who goes to the movies 5 times a week? And while I believe nurture plays an equally an important role as genetics in who you are and who you turn out to be, why wouldn’t I choose a college educated donor over a high school educated one if I would also choose to read to my child every night instead of plopping them in front of the TV?

Yet, I can’t get over the creepy feeling the inevitably crawls up my back whenever I spend a long time going through donor lists. I feel like I am placing judgments on women, their lives, their beliefs and their values. And it's all based on very little knowledge of who they really are. I am almost glad that Asian donors are so few. This is tough enough already when, at most, there are 10 donors in a particular agency’s pool to choose from. I don’t know how I would handle choosing from a much larger pool.