Which step am I on now? (Updated)

It should be no surprise to me anymore that we will hear news that comes out of nowhere when I go see the people who wear the white coats. I have learned to expect bad news but I have yet to learn to anticipate news that leaves even the doctors at a loss. And I should have learned by now. It has happened more times than not.

I had to wait nearly 45 minutes before being called in even though I made sure I got the first appointment of the day and was the first person in my appointment time (they book 4 per slot). I finally got to meet Dr. No Face. Can’t tell you how much fun it is to meet a doctor for the first time when the only thing between you and him is a flimsy, white sheet.

We only made it as far as the cervix before he saw something in my cervix that looked unusual. On the u/s there was a distinct area that looked different from the rest of the cervix. Initially he said that it didn’t look like it was anything to be concerned with but he took some pictures and then said that he would like to give this some thought to see if there should be any reason not to start the Clomid. I told him about the radiologist who commented that my cervix looked irregular like it was red or inflamed during my HSG last year.

He also measured the fibroid that I already knew I had. He explained and showed me that it was outside the uterus on the right side. From his measurements, I think it has gotten bigger since the last time they measured in August ’05 from 1cm to 3cm. He didn’t seem to be as concerned about the fibroid as he was about the cervix irregularity. Finally, we got to the ovaries and both sides were free of cysts.

Dr. No Face gave me a prescription for Clomid (100mg per day), but told me to hold off until he calls me again later today to talk to me. We talked about the possibility that he may refer me to a gynecologist at his clinic (my previous pap smears and annual exams were done at student health as required by insurance). I assume that means he may decide the cervix irregularity may be disturbing enough that it warrants a closer look. I asked him about the irregularity and what he thought of it off the top of his head and basically, he just didn’t know what to make of it or even call it.

I don’t know how I feel about today’s news. I just feel weepy and want to cry. But, I’m being stubborn and I’m unwilling to give into it. I’m glad I have no cysts, today. But, I don’t know yet how serious the cervix irregularity is. Unfortunately, neither does Dr. No Face which means I don’t even know what, if anything, I can google. I expect he’ll call me in a few hours after he gets through all his morning appointments. I hope I don’t have to wait much longer than that to get some direction of where we’ll be going with this.

Updated to add: Dr. No Face has decided we should not go through with this Clomid cycle. He still doesn’t have any possible prognosis (or is unwilling to say at this point) about the weirdness in my cervix. My new next step is to do a sonohystogram on the 27^th plus, most likely, a biopsy. He wants to make sure it isn’t anything serious in case I get pregnant on Clomid and then, as he puts it, it’ll be 9 months before we can do anything. Hahaha! Wait until he treats me a while longer. Perhaps he will finally understand the discombobulation (is that a real word?) my body is capable of. I doubt he’ll be so optimistic then.

Is it the worrier inside me or is going for a biopsy Dr. No Face’s way of saying there is a chance it could be cancer without actually saying the words?