Left foot, Right foot, Left foot, Right foot

My plan to try to keep the fear at bay for the Clomid test cycle is to keep focus only on the next step and don’t give much thought to the things and possibilities beyond that. Surprisingly, this is going pretty well so far. I guess I have finally progressed to that part of living with infertility where you just try not to have expectations anymore.

Mr. Worrier has an appointment for Wednesday to bring in a sample to have it frozen. It was going to be too much pressure for him to try to produce a fresh sample, so we’re hoping we can have something frozen away if we make it as far as the IUI. Since we might not need to use it for at least another week, there is a chance if this Wednesday doesn’t work out, he can set up another appointment to try again. He has been out of sorts these last couple of days and I suspect it’s because he is getting anxious about having to produce a sample. He feels a lot of pressure and I told him first of all, we may not even need it so if he can’t, it may not be an issue anyway. Secondly, I would go through the Clomid anyway just to see how I respond. It will be a valuable cycle in knowing what my response is alone. So try to relax and not think about it.

I know, as soon as I said it, I realized how unhelpful I was. At least the Andrologist was considerate. When Mr. Worrier expressed his worry about being able to produce a sample by a certain time, he gave Mr. Worrier his cell phone number so that Mr. Worrier could call him personally to cancel.

I’m feeling less scared today about the upcoming cycle and what we will find. I’m feeling very neutral, in fact. It’s a welcome change from the abundance of emotional days I had in May.