9dpiui

On Monday, I had a bad day. I woke up feeling blah and just knew, knew, I was not pregnant and would not be getting pregnant this cycle. Fought the sadness all day and was very unproductive at work. It reminded me of those bad, bad days after my miscarriage when I just could not get myself to do anything. Before this cycle I decided I wasn’t going to test unless my period was late, but, after Monday I changed my mind. I decided I am going to test on Saturday when I am 12dpiui (and I believe 12dpo). This way whatever results I get, I’ll have the weekend to deal with it. I felt much better after making that decision.

At the same time I am having my thoughts of this-cycle-is-a-failure, my maybe-I-am-pregnant thoughts also seem to grow exponentially by the day, sometimes by the hour (aren’t I clever and talented to be able to have two completely opposing thoughts at the same time?). The degree to which I think I may be pregnant is also dependent on how sore my boobs are at the moment. For the last few days, the soreness was nothing more than what I usually feel right before my period. But, last night for about 4 hours I could not sleep because there was no position I could find that did not make my boobs want to scream out in pain. Then, without warning, my boobs went back to the usual low level soreness and I slept through to morning and that’s how they’ve felt all day.

This is the part in the 2WW where I really wish I could push the fast forward button.